Expectations.. The downfall of the mortals.!!

Just recently I had a fight with a someone special. It wasn't all that bad, but this was one side I had promised I would never show to her. And when it happened, it sent me into a somewhat retrogressive mode. I actually tried to understand, what was it that triggered this in me.


It took me all night to actually come up with the explanation, after hours and hours of introspection, I did find the culprit. It was one of the basic characteristic of human behavior, Expectation. And the expectations I am talking about aren't those which a man does expect of oneself to achieve, because they are the sole reason for his existence, to ever aspire for newer heights. But we are going to talk about expectations one has from his fellow beings.


Well, expectations are something that come naturally to every man. It is completely normal to have them, but is it right to have them is the question in contention. As humans we should remember that we come into this world alone, and even though we are assisted in this journey of life by several people, but we should remember the fact, that one day when we do leave this world, we will also leave behind all these worldly possessions of ours.


But before establishing the feeling of "Having Expectations" as wrong or right. We must question ourself, how does this emotion or feeling actually propagate.


The answer is simple, "Attachments". Every man always needs a caring hand to pull him through the tough times in life, a shoulder to share his burden throughout his life, a person to intimately share his life with and others to establish and re-iterate his own being. These attachments, this feeling of dependence on others sometimes leads the person to start to expect certain behavior from these individuals. And that is where the chain starts.


So, is it right to expect of others. I would say "No", "Absolutely Not". Why do I say so, well this answer finds its roots in that days ordeals and my analysis of that ordeal.


After sending the very last message of that day, I tried closing my eyes forcibly trying to put myself to sleep. But guilt had the better of me. Why did I have to behave in such a way, as I often take pride in my Composed and Chivalrous self. And soon I started going through all that had happened with her over the past few months.


I had promised my self, that never would I have any expectations here. Because I knew I didn't deserve to have them in the first place. But as already I mentioned, a man always needs to be cared for, always searches for that caring hand he thinks will help him undergo this arduous journey, and when I saw that hand again, my primordial instincts bettered my usual self. Day in and day out, the only thoughts that occurred in my mind was,"Why the hell did I let go of it?" and "What would I have to do to get it back?". And soon memories from the past flooded my memory chambers. And little did I realize, that I was already expecting her to be what she was 4 years ago.


But I got my answer soon enough, and I would say that it was too soon for comfort, straight on my face. She said, "I have moved on." And not only this, she brought to my knowledge that that very caring hand I longed for was ready to fill in the gaps of someone else's hand. It took me sometime to get over this shock, but I did with great courage and bravardo. I decided to lock all my emotions and put up a facade, "Yeah I'm totally fine by it." Little did I realize that this was creeping all the way into my system corrupting my insides and mellowing me. My straight face, was gaunt with the resolve to actually help her move on. But on the other hand I discarded my very own need, that I needed it more than her. And with a brief passage of time the last barrages of my sanity started to give in. And as this dam of restraint broke, my logic was short circuited with all feelings of the past. And then I started expecting, and that too things that under normal circumstances I would have termed as Unattainable and Unthinkable. And with that started my absurd quest of winning her back to my side, though fair to say, it ended soon enough. And when I realized that I had lost that touch of her hand, the one I longed for, rage bested me in all aspects. And that culminated into the events that transpired that night.


But after that, I realized that all that had taken place, was nothing but due to my own capricious nature. That I still longed for never meant that the same feeling would be reciprocated. That even though I expected her to behave in the very same manner she did 4 years ago, it was time I realized I had already lost that position to someone else. And to realize the fact, that she was a free human, and even though I expect from her, I shouldn't actually expect her to reciprocate my "Expectations". That now, I was again a no-body and I didn't have the right to "Expect" from her anymore as I had already lost that very place.


Its was then at that very moment, I did realize, that it was these very expectations that you have from people around you that leads to the downfall of us "Mortals". It is not wrong to expect but it is wrong to expect those things would actually transpire, that the other person would actually reciprocate your feelings and do as you expect from him. And expecting a person to do so is morally wrong in all aspects as a man is born free into this world, not chained to any of the earthly bondings. He possesses his own free will to act in a way befitting his nature and his quest for survival. And unto every man is his own intellect and wisdom, tools which when coalesces with his emotions and will transpire into action. Hence, every man is free to act in the best way he chooses to. Any kind of expectation from his fellow beings is an insult to his freedom. And that is the most important lesson I did learn from this experience.


So in the what was my plan of action. Initially, I thought of talking this over with her, but the more I thought over it the more did I realize, that the only thing in the end I did care about was happiness, for the both of us. And by talking this out, I would be trying to falsely imbibe in her feelings which were now long forgotten and had given way to some new ones. And I shouldn't be, in any way, a deterrent to these new emotions. I finally realized that though there was once a time when that hand did cusp my own, and finally it was time to let it fill some one else's life. And even though it wouldn't happen suddenly, but with a brief passage of time, by reducing the contact time with her, I would try to get as far away as possible.


And as for me, a person resistant to change, with myself attuned to the soft caress of hers, it would be impossible to move on. But with the friends I have, burying it again in some depths of my heart, though difficult, will soon be facilitated. And then once again I would return to living a solemn but a fulfilled life.



*P.S.: With all due respect, this is the only place where I can take all my frustrations out. Thanks mate for being there..!!!!!!